News

ATTN: Cereus Players - Negative Stats Explanation 02/06/2010 Issue: AP/UB stats showing incorrect inflated figures for some players in first week of January due to AP/UB client maintenance. Issue is now: RESOLVED   Some Absolute Poker and UB players will notice negative amounts on their mid-January daily stats reports. The first week of January showed figures which were not accurate for most Absolute Poker / UltimateBet players. The issue was detected on January 7 and corrected with a summary adjustment on January 11. For some players, this day will show up with a negative number. January 12 saw the Cereus Affiliate Manager announcing the issue had been corrected across all player accounts. Cereus say ALL player stats are now accurate for January. --------- On a more serious note, some players [no doubt accidentally] benefitted substantially from the stats error [purely the fault of Cereus geniuses] by cashing out whilst the stats were incorrectly inflated. We will be emailing all players who benefitted from this Cereus Error and we request those funds be returned if your RakebackSTAT balances are substantially in negative as a result of those funds being withdrawn. You see, that money comes directly out of our shallow pockets - and our children will go hungry and there will be widespread gnashing of teeth and perhaps even intermittent wailing. If we are unable to recover those funds, I might be forced to steal a loaf of bread and trigger an epic Les Miserables II. But first the names of those who prefer to be slightly richer as a result of an innocent delay will be posted publicly on this News ticker - read by up to 14 people monthly - and the shame will be unpossible to live down. Lifetime. Not to mention the obvious fact that those who take the money and run will burn in the Fires of Hades [Corinthians 13:1 - The Bible]. May God have Mercy on Your Souls. NOT. This is a threat. I repeat. This is a threat and must be taken lightly. [Saying NOT is wonderful and rapidly coming back into fashion. NOT]